"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a
wide variety of both domestic and
imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five
best-selling cheeses at our newest store
were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a
recent survey by Cheeses of
the World magazine indicates an increasing preference
for domestic cheeses among its
subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting
inventory, the best way to
improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking
many of our varieties of imported
cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need
to be answered
in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have
the predicted result.
Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help
to evaluate the
recommendation.
Firstly the argument made for reducing the
inventory by discontinuing of imported cheese of some varieties is valid. Still
the survey conducted by the World magazine must be reviewed and again analyzed
before implementing the solution. The circumstances and constraints taken into
consideration by world magazine while conducting survey must be analyzed.
Though the customers having specific tastes
for any of the imported cheese variety which has been discontinued will
ultimately stop coming. How will those customers
be retained? Instead of completely discontinuing the imported varieties it must
be substantially reduced but not stopped. Moreover there is other issue of the
retail chain; the sale of cheese must be location based as it is spread all
over United States. So people having mixed tastes or region specific tastes
must be encouraged and varieties of such cheeses must be sold and not stopped.
The food-items or dishes which involve specific cheese varieties sold at
various restaurants will be effected that is such big orders of such huge
customers will be lost. How will those customers be retained and the loss
occurred will be recovered? Still the increase in interest of going for
domestic cheeses of people is encouraging which will be boosting up the local
economy and local manufacturers of cheese too. To solve these issues the cheese
of imported variety must be made here in United States with that
specificity.
More
research must be done to improve the quality and taste of domestic cheeses so
that people will buy more and more domestic cheeses as already trend is going
towards domestic one.
A Sample “6” Argument Essay
Below is our sample
argument topic, which we’ve been working with throughout this chapter:
Studies show that, as we’ve become more technically advanced, our health
has deteriorated rapidly. Heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and virtually every
major ailment are far more common today than they were thirty years ago. The
primary reason for this deterioration is the sedentary lifestyle associated
with today’s high-tech jobs. Clearly, our health will continue to decline as
long as we persist in our technological advances.
As you read the sample
response, notice how we’ve marked certain sentences and paragraphs to
illustrate where and how the essay conforms to our template. The info in
brackets should remind you of what your own Argument essay needs to include.
The conclusion of this
argument, “Clearly, our health will continue to decline as long as we persist
in our technological advances,” rests weakly on three primary assumptions.
[THESIS STATEMENT & TOPIC’S CONCLUSION] First, it assumes that advances
in medicine will not counteract the detrimental effects of a lack of
exercise. [REASON 1] Second, it requires the tacit belief that the effect of
a proper diet on health is insignificant in comparison to the effects of a
sedentary lifestyle. [REASON 2] Finally, it presumes that whatever holds true
for the past and present will also hold true for the future. [REASON 3]
The argument assumes that
the positive effects of regular exercise on health override any positive effects
resulting from advances in medicine. [TOPIC SENTENCE FOR REASON 1] As society
becomes increasingly high tech, we might plausibly argue that medicine will
similarly develop and advance. Nonetheless, the validity of the author’s
argument depends on the idea that medicine will not advance as rapidly as
technology or, at the very least, on the idea that any advance in medicine
will have a relatively insignificant effect on health, compared to the
effects of regular exercise. But what might happen if medicine progresses
such that health care can counteract the effects of a sedentary lifestyle?
Might we imagine a pill or procedure that could easily and effectively combat
heart disease, diabetes, and other diseases linked to lack of exercise? If
this occurs, whether our lives become more sedentary as a result of
technology will not matter when it comes to our health, because medicine will
offset the negative effects of a lack of exercise. [FIVE SENTENCES THAT
DEVELOP & ANALYZE REASON 1]
Similarly, the argument’s
conclusion depends on the assumption that improvements in diet will not
prevent or stave off the decline in wellness that results from working at a
high-tech job. [TOPIC SENTENCE FOR REASON 2] Whether it’s reasonable to
expect our diets to improve as technology advances is irrelevant to this
argument; the fact remains that the author assumes that diet has little to no
impact on the general well-being of a person who gets no exercise. Yet a
healthy diet could negate the effects of a sedentary lifestyle. In fact, if a
good diet could be shown to improve one’s health, then it would be
unreasonable to conclude that a sedentary lifestyle automatically leads to
poor health and increased disease in everyone. There would be no easy way to
show such a correlation between exercise and health. Indeed, a sedentary
lifestyle coupled with a good diet might lead to good health. [FIVE SENTENCES
THAT DEVELOP & ANALYZE REASON 2]
The most significant
assumption made by the author to arrive at the conclusion is that the past
and present are reliable indicators of the future. [TOPIC SENTENCE FOR REASON
3] Specifically, the author assumes that since our overall health has
declined as technology has improved, this pattern will continue. Such an
assumption is unwarranted; many trends reverse direction entirely or
eventually cease. For example, the rapid rise and success of high-tech
companies in the late ‘90s eventually came to a screeching halt, almost
without warning. If the trend toward technological advancements and the sedentary
lifestyles with which they are associated came to a similar halt, it would be
illogical to conclude that our health would also continue to decline. [FOUR
SENTENCES THAT DEVELOP & ANALYZE REASON 3]
In sum, this argument
relies heavily on its assumptions, perhaps too heavily. Denying any one of
these assumptions results in a weakened or, in some cases, invalid
conclusion. Nevertheless, the conclusion that our health is in jeopardy may
in fact be true, despite its not being proven with the premises given and
assumptions made by the author. [RECAP] To strengthen the argument, the
author would need to not only address these three assumptions but also to
more firmly establish a link between deteriorating health and technological
advances. In the words of Hippocrates, “A wise man should consider that
health is the greatest of human blessings.” An argument conclusively linking
rising technology to failing health would be a strong argument indeed.
[EXPANDS POSITION]
|
Why
This Essay Deserves a “6”
Now we’ll take a look at
what makes this essay so deserving of a “6.” First, we need to assess whether
this essay contains proper structure, as well as the cast of characters needed
for a “6” Argument essay. Here they are again:
·
An Argument
·
Evidence
·
Varied Sentence Structure
·
Facility with Language
The essay is definitely
organized, with all three assumptions clearly stated in Act I and analyzed in
Act II. The analyses in Act II certainly show how the implications of the
assumptions might make the conclusion invalid. Finally, Act III states the
essay’s thesis and explains what the author could do differently to strengthen
the topic’s argument. This essay also features all the characters. Argument?
Yup—this essay argues that although the topic’s conclusion might be true, the
assumptions made by the author diminish the strength of the author’s
conclusion. Reasons and evidence? Yes and yes. This essay clearly discusses the
three unstated assumptions that weaken the argument.
Also, the essay has varied
sentence structure: a semicolon here, beginning with a gerund there, and
linking ideas using if . . . then and but . . . also constructions. Our
writer does not take risks with unfamiliar vocabulary but instead chooses a few
out-of-the-ordinary words such as tacit, detrimental, and presumes. No significant grammar
errors disrupt the fluidity. The essay concludes with a well-placed quote. You
may have noticed that the quote isn’t precisely the same as the original,
albeit translated, version. That’s okay. The essay graders are sympathetic to
the fact that you only have 30 minutes for each essay—and the quote just adds
spice.
A Note on Length
Our sample essay is
twenty-six sentences long. As we noted in the previous chapter, a “6” essay is
not based on the particular length of the essay but instead on the quality of
the writing and adherence to ETS’s grading criteria.
Now let’s look at our essay
from the point of view of an essay grader by taking a look at the ETS
evaluation criteria for graders and the criteria for our Argument essay
template.
ETS CRITERIA
|
YES OR NO?
|
Responds to the argument
given in the topic
|
YES
|
Identifies the key
features of the argument and analyzes each one in a thoughtful manner
|
YES
|
Supports each point of
critique with insightful examples and analysis
|
YES
|
Develops its ideas in a
clear, organized manner, with appropriate transitions to help connect ideas
together
|
YES
|
Demonstrates proficiency,
fluency, and maturity in its use of sentence structure, vocabulary, and
idioms
|
YES
|
Demonstrates an excellent
command of the elements of standard written English, including grammar, word
usage, spelling, and punctuation—but may contain minor flaws in these areas
|
YES
|
·
DON’T WAFFLE.
Choose one side of the
issue only, and don’t try to “have it both ways.” Even if you don’t believe in
the side you choose, you’ll only have time to argue one side effectively. If
you take a middle-of-the-road approach you won’t sound as confident or clear.
Remember, according to ETS, the “readers are evaluating the skill with which
you address the specific instructions and articulate and develop an argument to
support your evaluation of the issue.” What exactly you say (what side you
choose to defend) is less important than how you defend it!
·
CHOOSE VERY SPECIFIC
REAL-WORLD EXAMPLES.
Don’t be general! Every
reader would like to see more specific examples: Mitt Romney, the War of 1812,
Keynesian economic theory, the mating rituals of octopii, an anecdote about
your Uncle Ralph the compulsive gambler, etc. You can have some fun with it,
and your examples don’t have to be the most scholarly. What are you an expert on?
·
BUT, MAKE SURE YOUR
EXAMPLES ARE RELEVANT TO THE TOPIC.
You can absolutely choose
examples from a wide range of subjects: personal experience, pop culture,
history, sports, literature, current events, politics, etc. But make sure you
explain HOW your example clearly supports your thesis.
·
AVOID FIRST-PERSON AND
SELF-REFERENCE.
“I think” or “I believe”
are obvious. You are the person writing this essay! First-person pronouns
should ONLY appear in a body paragraph if you are using personal experience as
an example, and telling a story from your own life to support your thesis.
Never use “I” in your introductory or concluding paragraph.
·
MAKE STRONG, DECLARATIVE
STATEMENTS.
Look for ways to add
charged adjectives, adverbs and “because” clauses to make your sentences sound
more confident. EX: “The president shouldn’t allow Congress to pass the law.”
Or, “It is unacceptable for the president to permit Congress to pass the law
because it unconstitutionally overextends Congress’ powers.”
·
REFUTE THE OPPOSING VIEW IN
YOUR CONCLUSION.
Many GRE students wonder
what to do in their conclusion. Try introducing the opposing viewpoint, showing
that you recognize that in fact some people do not support your position. Then
refute their argument in 1-2 sentences, and reinforce the validity of
your own thesis.
0 Comments